The Plastic Fantastic Sisters

Fake and faker!

Here's me and little sis in the dressing rooms at the X Factor! Both of us are freshly botoxed, so we look young and flawless. Our smiles were actually semi-permanent on the night, due to botox overload. We also drank the blood of 100 virgins before the show, to give us that youthful blush!

Crappy Merchandise Giveaway

BUY MY STUFF, NOW!

Here I am pushing my cheap, crappy, shoddy wares. I'm making a fortune off this junk lol! Oh I love it! The power to make the masses fall in love with a carefully crafted image. I could sell ice to Inuits. I offer them a free crappy signed pillow and they will give me their first born! HA! Keep spending your money on all of my merchandise my pretties.  

The Hooker And The Bear



Me and Pudsey



Isn't that the cutest thing you have ever seen? And Pudsey isn't bad either! Here I am dressed inappropriately for a children's charity. Yep, wearing a hookers dress and pole dancers shoes for a children's benefit. Gee I'm classy. I NEVER miss a chance for self-promotion, even at a kids event.

Yet Another Clip From My New Song - Better Than Today

Getting oral with my microphone.

Another Pic From Better Than Today




Bedroom eyes.

 

Kylie Is Spinning Around - Again

Showing the world what I had for breakfast.

Hello darlings! Momma's in the house (designer house of course). Just thought you would like to see some stills from my new song Better Than Today. I look especially gorgeous, don't you think? And I pay homage to my 2000 hit Spinning Around. I lift up my legs and show the world what I had for breakfast! Don't you wish you had a pert little bum like mine? 42 and still hotter than any of my peers! I'm still rockin' peeps. I'm hotter than any other biatch out there!

Showing the world what I had for breakfast 10 years ago.

Pics  Splash   Publicity Picture   Dailymail.co.uk

Santa Just Around The Corner

Oh, Santa is just around the corner peeps! Have you made your wish list yet? Momma hasn't made hers yet, but as long as I get loads of designer stuff I will be happy! More of everything!

Oh peeps, changing the topic of conversation completely, have you seen Jessica Simpson's engagement ring? It's is reputed to be worth over $100 grand, yeah right, looks more like $9.99. It looks cheap, tacky, plastic, fake and fugly! Apparently she also had to buy the ring HERSELF LOL! Yep, her cheap ass fiancee didn't buy it for her! How tragic for poor Jess!

Jessica's Ugly Engagement Ring.

Jessica really is a dumb-dumb.

pics   dlisted

Dreams (Nightmares) Of The Past

Bogan Princess.

Oh darlings momma had a terrible dream last night! I dreamt I was back on the set of 'Neighbours'! I had the 80's frizzy perm/bad dye job, a thin top lip, wrinkles/lines on my forehead and excess skin under my eyes. Oh darlings it was truly scary, I was in hell! I looked a right mess playing little Charlene Robinson the local mechanic! I had on those awful overalls with a jumper and daggy sneakers. And I spoke with that hideous Aussie twang! I was a bogan! And I was married to a mullet wearing, young John Farnham lookalike. And I lived in the Aussie suburbs...nooooooooooooo!

Vintage Pic - Charlene Robinson



Me in my Neighbours days.



A Star Is Born

When I was young!

Vintage Pic - Poodle Haired Girl With Tacky Jumper

Don't you just love the jumper...cool!

Vintage Pic - The Mullet & The Poodle



Me with my first love.







Kylie On The X Factor

Hello my darlings! Momma is recovering from her night on the X Factor! Oh darlings it was marvellous! I danced and shook my booty like a mad woman in heat! I sweated like an oinker, and my knees clicked and clacked like a 90 year old, but I busted some mean moves baby! My hips locked and my ankles swelled to twice their size but I kept on grooving! I nearly fell on my botoxed mug but I kept on dancing and smiling. I had to turn my hearing-aid on to high and superglue my dentures in! But nothing can bring momma down folks! I am invincible! I am immortal! I will live forever bwahahahahaha!

Kylie And The X Factor

Here I am peeps, leaving my home in London and heading for X Factor rehearsals. I will be on little sis' show singing my new song Better Than Today! Can't wait!

Dumb and dumber.

Above is a pic from my previous appearance on X Factor with little sis!



Pics  Rex   dailymail.co.uk

Overhaul

Hello darlings! How are you all? I do hope you are well. Anyway enough about you lot! Momma is having an overhaul of sorts. I'm having my brow lifted, chin lifted, neck lifted, tummy lifted, ass lifted and knee-caps lifted. I am having botox in my forehead, cheeks, chin, neck. I'm having restylane in my lips and other fillers in my wrinkles (wrinky-dinks) and creases. I'm also having my vajayjay overhauled! I'm having the lot darlings. A new me!

My toy-boy has a straying eye. And momma won't have any other part of him straying. So in order to keep him interested momma has had a little bit of help from her plastic surgeon. But my beau is worth it darlings, he is an absolute tiger in the boudoir! Momma can't get enough of his love. I will do just about anything to keep him!

Sequins Are Kylie's Best Friend

Here I am in September looking exquisite in a beige coloured, sequined dress. It looks like I am ready to audition for Dancing With The Stars. Momma better get that hip replacement before she does any dancing. This old grey mare ain't what she used to be folks! I can't light up the dance floor like I did in the 80's/90's! I'm practically an old-aged pensioner, so cut me some slack peeps! Anyway I'm off to bleach my hair AND my dentures! Ciao!



Pic  Sipa Press/Rex Features   dailymail.co.uk

Kylie In feathers At The Movies

This is my ostrich look darlings. This feathery black number is just divine bubbies! And don't you just love my black & gold wedged heel shoes? These pics were taken in september at the London premiere of The Kid!

Pics   PA   Alan Davidson   dailymail.co.uk

                                 

No Wedding Ring For Kylie




Kylie and her toyboy Andres Velencoso

 

Don't get out your designer bridesmaids dresses ladies, momma won't be getting hitched any time soon! My beau Andres Velencoso doesn't want to marry moi! I guess he doesn't want to get stuck with a grandma, I am pushing 50 darlings! Oh well momma has been unlucky in love before. Not to worry, I still have my fame and fortune, and that's all a girl like me really needs.



Pic Larry Busacca/Getty Images   dailymail.co.uk