The Plastic Fantastic Sisters

Fake and faker!

Here's me and little sis in the dressing rooms at the X Factor! Both of us are freshly botoxed, so we look young and flawless. Our smiles were actually semi-permanent on the night, due to botox overload. We also drank the blood of 100 virgins before the show, to give us that youthful blush!

Crappy Merchandise Giveaway

BUY MY STUFF, NOW!

Here I am pushing my cheap, crappy, shoddy wares. I'm making a fortune off this junk lol! Oh I love it! The power to make the masses fall in love with a carefully crafted image. I could sell ice to Inuits. I offer them a free crappy signed pillow and they will give me their first born! HA! Keep spending your money on all of my merchandise my pretties.  

The Hooker And The Bear



Me and Pudsey



Isn't that the cutest thing you have ever seen? And Pudsey isn't bad either! Here I am dressed inappropriately for a children's charity. Yep, wearing a hookers dress and pole dancers shoes for a children's benefit. Gee I'm classy. I NEVER miss a chance for self-promotion, even at a kids event.

Yet Another Clip From My New Song - Better Than Today

Getting oral with my microphone.

Another Pic From Better Than Today




Bedroom eyes.

 

Kylie Is Spinning Around - Again

Showing the world what I had for breakfast.

Hello darlings! Momma's in the house (designer house of course). Just thought you would like to see some stills from my new song Better Than Today. I look especially gorgeous, don't you think? And I pay homage to my 2000 hit Spinning Around. I lift up my legs and show the world what I had for breakfast! Don't you wish you had a pert little bum like mine? 42 and still hotter than any of my peers! I'm still rockin' peeps. I'm hotter than any other biatch out there!

Showing the world what I had for breakfast 10 years ago.

Pics  Splash   Publicity Picture   Dailymail.co.uk

Santa Just Around The Corner

Oh, Santa is just around the corner peeps! Have you made your wish list yet? Momma hasn't made hers yet, but as long as I get loads of designer stuff I will be happy! More of everything!

Oh peeps, changing the topic of conversation completely, have you seen Jessica Simpson's engagement ring? It's is reputed to be worth over $100 grand, yeah right, looks more like $9.99. It looks cheap, tacky, plastic, fake and fugly! Apparently she also had to buy the ring HERSELF LOL! Yep, her cheap ass fiancee didn't buy it for her! How tragic for poor Jess!

Jessica's Ugly Engagement Ring.

Jessica really is a dumb-dumb.

pics   dlisted

Dreams (Nightmares) Of The Past

Bogan Princess.

Oh darlings momma had a terrible dream last night! I dreamt I was back on the set of 'Neighbours'! I had the 80's frizzy perm/bad dye job, a thin top lip, wrinkles/lines on my forehead and excess skin under my eyes. Oh darlings it was truly scary, I was in hell! I looked a right mess playing little Charlene Robinson the local mechanic! I had on those awful overalls with a jumper and daggy sneakers. And I spoke with that hideous Aussie twang! I was a bogan! And I was married to a mullet wearing, young John Farnham lookalike. And I lived in the Aussie suburbs...nooooooooooooo!

Vintage Pic - Charlene Robinson



Me in my Neighbours days.



A Star Is Born

When I was young!

Vintage Pic - Poodle Haired Girl With Tacky Jumper

Don't you just love the jumper...cool!

Vintage Pic - The Mullet & The Poodle



Me with my first love.







Kylie On The X Factor

Hello my darlings! Momma is recovering from her night on the X Factor! Oh darlings it was marvellous! I danced and shook my booty like a mad woman in heat! I sweated like an oinker, and my knees clicked and clacked like a 90 year old, but I busted some mean moves baby! My hips locked and my ankles swelled to twice their size but I kept on grooving! I nearly fell on my botoxed mug but I kept on dancing and smiling. I had to turn my hearing-aid on to high and superglue my dentures in! But nothing can bring momma down folks! I am invincible! I am immortal! I will live forever bwahahahahaha!

Kylie And The X Factor

Here I am peeps, leaving my home in London and heading for X Factor rehearsals. I will be on little sis' show singing my new song Better Than Today! Can't wait!

Dumb and dumber.

Above is a pic from my previous appearance on X Factor with little sis!



Pics  Rex   dailymail.co.uk

Overhaul

Hello darlings! How are you all? I do hope you are well. Anyway enough about you lot! Momma is having an overhaul of sorts. I'm having my brow lifted, chin lifted, neck lifted, tummy lifted, ass lifted and knee-caps lifted. I am having botox in my forehead, cheeks, chin, neck. I'm having restylane in my lips and other fillers in my wrinkles (wrinky-dinks) and creases. I'm also having my vajayjay overhauled! I'm having the lot darlings. A new me!

My toy-boy has a straying eye. And momma won't have any other part of him straying. So in order to keep him interested momma has had a little bit of help from her plastic surgeon. But my beau is worth it darlings, he is an absolute tiger in the boudoir! Momma can't get enough of his love. I will do just about anything to keep him!

Sequins Are Kylie's Best Friend

Here I am in September looking exquisite in a beige coloured, sequined dress. It looks like I am ready to audition for Dancing With The Stars. Momma better get that hip replacement before she does any dancing. This old grey mare ain't what she used to be folks! I can't light up the dance floor like I did in the 80's/90's! I'm practically an old-aged pensioner, so cut me some slack peeps! Anyway I'm off to bleach my hair AND my dentures! Ciao!



Pic  Sipa Press/Rex Features   dailymail.co.uk

Kylie In feathers At The Movies

This is my ostrich look darlings. This feathery black number is just divine bubbies! And don't you just love my black & gold wedged heel shoes? These pics were taken in september at the London premiere of The Kid!

Pics   PA   Alan Davidson   dailymail.co.uk

                                 

No Wedding Ring For Kylie




Kylie and her toyboy Andres Velencoso

 

Don't get out your designer bridesmaids dresses ladies, momma won't be getting hitched any time soon! My beau Andres Velencoso doesn't want to marry moi! I guess he doesn't want to get stuck with a grandma, I am pushing 50 darlings! Oh well momma has been unlucky in love before. Not to worry, I still have my fame and fortune, and that's all a girl like me really needs.



Pic Larry Busacca/Getty Images   dailymail.co.uk

Frumpy Kylie

Hello darlings! Just look at these awful pics of moi! Those nasty papparazzi snappers caught momma out looking less than glamorous. Momma can't go anywhere these days without gallons of makeup on in case of pics like these surfacing. Heads will roll for this, you mark my words darlings. Momma's got steam coming out of her nostrils. I've told the media before DON'T F#CK WITH KYLIE!

Pics dailymail.co.uk

Dannii's New Book

Little sis is seen here at Waterstones in Piccadilly plugging her new book - My Story! She was humble enough to rub shoulders with her fans and sign some copies of the book. She looked darling in a black & blue dress, with black platform shoes. Go little sis! Make all the $$$ you can, just like moi!

 

Pic AT1  dailymail.co.uk

Oh Dear Danni

Little sis is looking less than picture perfect. The normally glamorous and stylish Dannii Minogue is looking rather drab here! Maybe it's all those late nights up with the new bub! Or maybe it's just without all the war-paint (makeup) and designer garb she is a plain-Jane. Anyway, she is still gorgeous to me! Love ya little sissy! This picture was taken as Dannii arrived at Fountain Studios yesterday for X Factor rehearsals.


Pic REX FEATURES LTD  dailymail.co.uk

Who's That Girl?

Why it's me of course, darlings! Don't I look young, sexy, dewy skinned and radiant! Momma's looking HAWT! I was host of the amfAR Inspiration Gala! The Gala is all about celebrating men's style.

Don't you just love my sweet, little, black lace mini-dress! And my black designer heels are to die for!


Pics Getty Images AP dailymail.co.uk

The Beautiful Debbie Harry

The forever gorgeous Debbie Harry at the GQ Gentleman's Ball in New York! At 65 Debbie is still as beautiful as ever - an icon, unique, quirky, beautiful and smart. She still has those beautiful eyes and that adorable smile.

Debbie wore a figure hugging B&W dress, with thin spaghetti straps and a large white bow that tied in the back. She 'topped' off the outfit with a white, mid-length, layered wig.

Pic http://www.infevents.com/    http://www.dailymail.com/

Kylie & Mario Lopez

Another picture from my appearance on Extra, with the gorgeous Mario Lopez!

Critics Can Kiss My A$$

I read this on another site. All I will say is...kiss my pert a$$!

I think what you wrote pretty much sums up Kylie Minogue! I think her 'work' (if only we could all have 'jobs' like Kylie's lol) is her main focus. She has been doing pretty much the same thing for over 20 years. Her look/image and music are slight variations of the same old thing. Doesn't she get bored with having to keep up with the Joneses? And having to have all that obvious cosmetic surgery to stay looking young must be painful and tedious.

I agree with you about retiring. If I had her wealth and long career I would retire and enjoy the rest of my life - away from the public eye. It seems to be her ego and greed (more $$$) that keeps her in the entertainment arena.

P.S. I remember reading an article where one of her ex's James (?) said that Kylie was basically friendless. That she was a bossy control freak, and only really cared about her fame/image/money. For some reason I believe him.




Pic kraran.com/kylie-minogues-butt-looks-hot-as-ever/

Around The World In...

Hello darlings! Guess what? I am in another country! Only last week I was in Egypt, performing in front of the beautiful and glorious Sphinx. Then it was on to Mexico to promote my new album Aphrodite. And now I'm in the amazing USA, still promoting my album. Momma has to corner that American market peeps! Just thinking of all those American green-backs ($$$) makes momma dizzy with excitement!

In these pictures I was in LA at the Grove Shopping Centre in Beverly Hills, filming for the TV show 'Extra'. I was interviewed by the adorably sweet Mario Lopez. Mario even showed me a few dance steps (mainly a dip - with Mario dipping moi) to get me ready for my appearance on Dancing With The Stars. And I must say that my appearance on DWTS was an amazing experience, I had a great time singing my new song from the Aphrodite album. Kisses & hugs to all my American fans! Love you all - mean it!





Kyile Minogue in LA.



 





Pic http://www.exposurephotos.com/    http://www.dailymail.com/

Little Sis Launches Perfume

Well what do you know little sis has released her first perfume! I'm so proud of her for following in my footsteps and releasing a fragrance. Of course I have SEVERAL fragrances on the market, so little sis has a bit of catching up to do! But I'm sure her perfume will be as popular as mine are! Little sis launched her Project D perfume yesterday in London at Harvey Nichols. Congrats little sis!


Pic   Richard Young / Rex Features     http://www.dailymail.com/

Celebrities

Hello darlings! How are you? I hope you are all well! Just wanted to let you know that I have decided to make this blog about me AND other celebrities. Sometimes momma needs a break sweeties, so I am going to share this wonderful blog with my peers! I will give you updates on whats happening in my life as well as what's happening in the lives of other 'stars'. Won't that be fun peeps! I'm sure all you little furry peasants love hearing about the lives of the filthy rich and famous! And, let's face it darlings YOU are the reason why me and other 'stars' are famous and filthy rich! So thank you all for your undying devotion and your $$$!

Here is a recent picture of moi arriving at LAX Airport! I am wearing a camel coloured pashmina with a black top and black pants! And of course the obligatory designer sunglasses and shoes, aren't they just divine darlings! I'm in LA to perform on Dancing With the Stars, it is going to be so much fun, I can't wait!




Pic http://www.xposurephotos.com/      http://www.dailymail.com/

Introducing Mr & Mrs Brand

On saturday Katy Perry and Russell Brand got married near Ranthambhore Tiger Sanctuary in Rajasthane. The ceremony included both indian and christian traditions. The couple had been dating for around thirteen months prior to their Indian wedding. The bride wore a Elle Saab gown and a traditional indian nose ring. The picture below shows the couple leaving Jaipur airport for there honeymoon in the Maldives.

Pic http://www.splash.com/     http://www.dailymail.com/                              

                                                                                                                                                                                           

What Will I Wear?

I just don't know where to start with this outfit of Julianne Moores! Why would someone design something like this in the first place? And why would anyone buy the darn thing? Maybe it was designed for schizophrenics? Just looking at it is making me feel schizo! I like the left side (Juliannes left side) but the right side is very mumsy and drab. And the belt, that just isn't necessary. I like Julianne she is a good actress and very pretty but her dress is awful!



pic via http://www.dlisted.com/

Cheryl Cole Sings (Kind Of)

Critics can say what they will about me darlings but at least I can sing live. Unlike that little oompa-loompa Cheryl Cole! Cheryl performed on the X Factor on sunday night and she mimed. At first the naughty little minx tried to convince people that she sang live! But peeps from the show finally admitted to what we already knew, Cheryl lip-synched! Are you really a singer if you can't/won't sing live?



Pic  Rex Features/lTV     http://www.dailymail/

Gaga Goes Gaga

Oh, dear Ms Gaga is at it again. The queen of extroverts was up to her usual tricks recently. At a London pub - The Raven - in Chiswick Gaga sat on a stool holding a scotch on the rocks. That's nothing out of the ordinary, someone having a drink in a pub right? Wrong! As usual Gaga had to be the center of attention. She had a team of personal stylists busy doing her hair and makeup! Yep, smack bang in the middle of a busy pub. After being 'made up' she was ready for an interview that took place in back room of the pub.

Gaga was dressed in a leather & lace black mini dress. She also wore round rimmed gold sunglasses, lace stockings and short black boots. After her interview she left the pub and greeted awaiting fans before getting into a limo. Gaga is currently touring Europe for her Fame Monster tour.


Pics http://www.xposurephotos.com/     http://www.dailimail/

Sandy Sphinx

Oh dear, the Egyptian desert/pyramids were very sandy/dusty! Momma is still shaking sand out of her knickers and crevices! A good bonus was my skin got a free dermabrasion treatment lol! It saved me a trip to my dermatologists! Dermabrasion is not cheap sweeties!

Busy Little Bee

Darlings I am so busy promoting my new album Aphrodite. I barely have time to stop and take a breath! While in Mexico I popped into the Four Seasons Hotel to plug my album. Momma has been working her pert little behind off just to earn some $$$! I can barely sleep thinking about all that $$$! Momma loves $$$, she can't get enough of it!

Anyway I thought I'd better give you all some more ravishing pics of moi! Do you think you can handle it lol? Ready? Ok, here goes...

Pics http://www.wireimage/ and http://www.dailymail/

Kylie Rocking Mexico

Darlings momma's been globe-trotting yet again! One minute Egypt and the next Mexico!!! My concert was in Palacio de los Deportes. It was wonderful! And I looked outrageously fabulous in my crocheted and feathered white dress. And don't you just love my swanky gold Louboutin shoes! They are to die for! Here are some pics just for you darlings! Pics from http://www.splash/ http://www.dailymail/  

Me, The Sphinx & Dr Hawass

Dr Hawass was a dear but utterly boring to listen to! In the pic I have my eyes closed and am sneaking a few zzzz's. Poor Dr Hawass thinks I am awake

lol. I am also frightfully aware of the sun frying my newly acquired botoxed & fat grafted - plumped up skin. (Fat grafts darlings, look them up!).

Momma got a new fresh face before going to Egypt, didn't want anyone mistaking me for a mummy! Pic thanks to http://www.dailymail/.

Kylie Rocks Egypt

Hello darlings! Momma's reporting in for duty! Did you all catch momma in Egypt? Didn't momma look fabulous! Check this out peeps! Pic thanks to http://www.dailymail/.

I'm Back

I'm back darlings! Still working out a few things about blogging/tweeting! It's all so hard lol! well, maybe not hard, just tedious and time consuming. All of this modern techno stuff is way over momma's head! I just want to press a button and voila! The simpler the better I say!

And how are you all darlings? I do hope you are all well! I also hope you are buying all of momma's goodies ie cd's/dvd's, perfume, lingerie, homewares, etc. Momma knows you all love to shop just as much as she does! So lets shop till we drop darlings!

Fans With Brains

Trying to read a book (novel), oh darlings it is so snoringly boring, it's making momma's head hurt. I'm 3 pages in and my brain is ready to implode.My agent said that I have to be seen as more aware - more introspective and more intellectual! Apparently I am missing out on the 'smart people' demographic. They see me as inane, vacuous, vacant immature, pointless, talentless, plastic, greedy, self obsessed, pampered and endlessly annoying...HA! How dare they! I am NOT plastic! If I ever meet them they will get their rear-ends kicked across the nearest street! Jealous peasants! Shout out to all my unintellectual fans, love you guys - mean it!

Hugs & kisses, love you all - mean it!

Plastic Surgery Gone Wrong

Speaking of tragedies...has anyone seen Nicky K's lips lately? Sweet jebus christ they are scary, they resemble a watermelon trying to be stuffed into a condom, just gross! Her au-naturel lips were thin and near non-existant, but now she has pink fleshy lumpy lips. The inside of her top lip actually shows because she didn't have enough natural lip flesh to cope with so much filler. It looks obscene and quite painful, yucky-poo! I feel sorry for her hubby having to french kiss those!

Mooriah carey

OMG, I just saw a video of Mooriah Carey falling on her big fat a$$ LOL! All that pork and no pig in sight *oink*! Sweet jebus christ where is her hubby? She must of fell on him! Quick get the crane, lift up Ms Piggy, is he under her? Well? Is he there, squashed like a bug underfoot? No? He isn't there! Thank god, that was close, PHEW! That wouldn't have been pretty folks. That porker (Mooriah) has at least 100 pounds on the lad, he would have been flattened beyond recognition! You don't come back from an accident like that, it would have been goodnight nurse for the poor sod. Although in one way it might have been a blessing in disguise. Can you imagine what the poor guy has to do to keep Mooriah happy? I shudder to think! It would put the guy off pork products for life!  The pic is unrelated but it still makes me laugh my t!ts off!


Pic via http://www.dailymail/

Simon Madcow, Sis & Me

OMG little sis introduced me to Simon Madcow, he's so HAWT for a hairy old queen! I just loved him and his matted chest rug! He is really super sweet when you get to know him. I'd have his slippers/chamber pot under my bed anytime, gggrrrrrr. And I met that lovely chav bird, god what's her name? You know, that skinny, bobble-headed, twig like chick? Anyway she was sweet and very pretty even with that oompa-loompa fake tan! Her ostrich-like neck reminds me of a peacock. Obviously I'm not in this pic, but enjoy it anyway darlings!

Pic via www.unrealitytv.co.uk/.../06/x-factor-judges.jpg

Madge Bugs Me

Ciao bella's, momma's back, u miss me? I know u did! I know I would miss me if I was u! There is so much to miss!

Madge has been calling me again, *groan*, she is still trying to talk me into doing a duet with her! I told her I would think about it! But at the first mention of
Kabbalah, yoga, or macrobiotics I will be outta there! I don't do religion, or bendy-stretchy, or mung-bean casseroles! Biatch thinks she can convert me to her way of life! Just try it grandma and you will have a fist down your throat so fast that you will be spitting teeth out of your backside - *word*!

Gaga & Botox

oh, another article on Gaga. Let's see, usual stuff - quirky, zany, whacky, kooky, avant garde, he/she hipster - boring! Yawn, yawn, yawn! Oh , momma is so bored. I might pop down to my Dermatologists office for a pick-me-up Botox jab!

Ciao darlings, love you all - mean it!

I'm back! Hi darlings, momma's back from her trippy-poo to the Derms, a few (hundred) jabs of Botox, and all is well with the world. Oh I do adore a frozen face. You won't find ONE wrinkle on this 42 year old face! And if you DO I will be suing my Dermatologist, even though the man is like family to me. God knows I see him more than anyone in my real family lol! I should have shares in his business, lord knows I've given him enough money over the years! But I'm not complaining, the man is an absolute magician when it comes to cosmetic surgery. whenever I leave his office I feel like a young school girl in her first blush of youth. He better not retire any time soon or I'll have his nuts made into earrings lol!

What To Wear?

Oh darlings, what is momma going to wear today? Something sexy, clingy, short, see-through, strapless/backless, plunging neckline, young, funky, IN and designer - naturally! Something Gagaish maybe? Decisions, decisions - god life is tough when you're a fashion victim like moi! Oh well my personal stylists/dressers will choose something for me. They are such darling little pets, they know what looks good on momma. They'd better anyway for the amount of money I pay them!

Let's see what's in the fashion mags. OMG that ugly heifer Kate M is on the cover of Vogue! She looks tragic as usual, moo, moo, moo! She is so overrated and outdated, such a hasbeen! I can't believe she used to be a Supermodel. Good god what was (is) the industry thinking? Making a star (cough, cough) out of that wretched, alien looking creature! Quickly, turn the page before I bring up my lunch!

Keeping Spending $$$ On Moi, Darlings

Darlings I hope you all are spending up big on momma's merchandise, momma needs more $$$ in her piggy-bank, oink oink oink!

At the moment one of my many servants is cleaning out one of my many closets. One of my many shoe closets to be exact. There are Louboutins, Jimmy Choo, Manalo's, YSL, D&G, Chanel, Dior shoes everywhere! So many shoes, I wish I was a centipede and could wear several pairs at once lol. A girl can dream *sigh* and this girl dreams of MORE designer shoes, clothes, handbags, jewellery, makeup, etc. Just MORE of more, that's what this girl wants! And I AM still a girl too! Well, I still LOOK like a girl thanks to my beloved Botox and cosmetic surgery!

Toothy Pegs

Hi peeps, just got back from the dentist, I had to replace my dentures. Two front teeth broke off when I attempted to eat a big juicy steak! My new set of dentures are to die for, fabulous in fact and they are designer too - D&G biatches!
The dentist told momma to use a better denture-grip, then those suckers won't pop out when momma attempts to eat meat! think I might go vegan anyway, meat is so passe darlings! plus all the top celebs are going vegan or vegetarian, it's very IN!

I'm Back Darlings

Hi darlings, GOMW (my new single from Aphrodite) released in OZ, remixes are very cool!Momma can buy that new Jaguar woohoo! OMG have u seen the LEGO kylie (aphrodite)?So life-like, uncanny, spooky even, looks less plastic than I do HAHAHA! That's the LEGO pic below, don't ya think it looks like me? Staring at it is giving me the creeps *shudder*.

http://bit.ly/9mF5rJ

Me & Sis

And what can I say about little sis' boobies, they feel so real for being silicon. Apart from the nose, lips, boobs, botox injections, collagen/fillers, etc, little sis is 100% real - just like moi! Love little sis' new hair colour, I don't think it looks brassy or cheap at all.

Can't wait to mentor little sis on her show, I'm sure she will win! How could she possibly lose, she has moi on her team! Darlings I must go now, need to shop for new epidermis. Talk to you all very soon.

Hugs & kisses, love you all - mean it!




Pic http://www.dailymail/

Tweets From Twitter

Darlings my tweets at Twitter are taking so long to download! Yawn! I hope it's ok for me to transfer them from Twitter to here? Oh well, guess I'll soon find out huh? Anyway here are some of my tweets just for you darlings. I will try to put them into some sort of chronological order. Oh dear!

Helping little sis (Danni) on her show, hold on to your dentures nanna's the Minogue sista's are in town. Can't wait to see what little sis wears, she has such a unique sense of style on anyone else her clothes would look like crap! But on little sis they look less crap, which is a good thing! And I am loving her new nose, those flared nostrils are really very IN! And her newly plumped up lips don't look fake at all!

I LOVE this pic of me and little sis!




Pic http://www.bridalwave.tv.com/

Hello Darlings

Hello to all my fans!
I am retrieving all of my posts from Twitter! I have the exact same username there! I'm getting a little bored with Twitter, so I thought I would come back to blogging. I have over 400 tweets to transfer, so bear/bare with me peeps!